What is this feeling
by FreakingMisha
Summary: Dean is trying to find out what's wrong with Sam when the guilt for how he's treated Cas builds up forcing him to apologise to the Angel. (Destiel oneshot) I originally wrote this on wattpad just copied it over to here


Dean sat in chair in the Motel swigging a beer. Sam had left to do some research at a local library and left Dean alone to brood. He had Sam's laptop open and his phone on the table next to it. Something was wrong with Sammy, he just knew it, but the problem was neither him nor Bobby could find anything. Dean glared morosely at the websites telling him about all types of monsters that he thought Sam could be, but none of them where quite right. He thought back to when he'd prayed to Cas and he'd told Dean that he didn't know what was wrong with Sam. Guilt tore through Dean's gut as he remembered how rude he's been to Cas. The guy was in the middle of a civil war for God's sake, and he'd called him down, abused him and made him promise to put some time aside for his own selfish wants.

Dean sat there for a long while feeling the hatred for how he'd treated his friend building up inside him. Eventually he slammed the laptop shut and stood, looking around the room for anything to distract him. He decided to grab another beer from the fridge. Leaning against one of the kitchen counters he sipped at the amber liquid. Tears began to prick at his eyes, because no matter how much beer he drank, or what he tried to think about, his thoughts always returned to Cas and how shitty he'd treated him. The guilt was now becoming unbearable, so he did the only thing he could think of. Placing the beer on the counter, Dean sunk to his knees and began to pray "Cas, if you can hear me. I know you're in some war, and I know I always ask too much. Look I know I'm a shitty friend. Hell, I bet Lucifer would make a better friend than me. But I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry man, you don't deserve half the shit that you've been dealt, let alone my problems too. I-I just…" He trailed off and passed a hand across his face, chocking off a sob.

A moment later there was a flutter of wings and a pair of black dress shoes appeared in his blurry vision. Dean looked up, "Cas…"

Castiel looked down at him, his head cocked to one side considering him. Crouching down in front of Dean, Cas continued to stare quizzically at him. Dean refused to meet his eyes, he was ashamed. Ashamed of how he'd treated Cas, ashamed of how he'd called him out of his war, yet again, and ashamed that Cas had found him kneeling on the floor sobbing about hiw sorry he was.

"Dean." Castiel's gravelly voice sounded softly near his face.

Dean did not look at him, he was now sitting rather than kneeling and his shoulders were slumped in shame, misery and defeat. "Dean." Cas spoke again, slightly louder this time.

When Dean still did not look at him, Cas gently took his chin in his left hand and tunred his head to face him. They were both so close, and any other time Dean might have reminded Cas about personal space, but right now that didn't seem to matter. "Dean. I forgive you. I have never held a grudge, I know you are concerned about your brother. You are my friend I would never begrudge you help." Cas told him, his voice still soft.

"But…The way I treated you Cas. That's not right. No one should treat their friends like that." Dean protested.

Castiel sighed, released Dean's chin, grabbed his forearm and pulled him up until they were both standing. Now that they were standing Dean noticed Cas' appearance. Cas' dark hair was even messier than usual, sticking up in all directions, his face, hands and clothes were covered in blood and dirt, his clothes had rips and burns decorating them and his skin was covered in cuts and bruises. _Shit!_ Dean thought _How did I not notice this before? _"Cas, what happened to you? You look like you've been through hell!" Dean said.

"the war…it's not going well for me…" Cas reluctantly replied.

"Sit down and take of your coat." Dean instructed.

Cas looked at him head cocked to one side in confusion.

"Dammit Cas, just do it please!" Dean asked the Angel whilst walking over to the counter to get his medical kit and a wet cloth. Cas did as instructed, removing his coat and draping it over a chair before sinking down onto the edge of one of the beds. Dean walked over to him, grabbed the other chair and sat in front of Castiel. Placing the medical kit onto the bed next to the Angel he took the bowl of water, dunked the cloth in it, wrung it out slightly and began to gently wipe Cas' face. " "Dean, I can clean and heal myself." Castiel pointed out.

"Look just let me do this one thing for you man! Hell, you deserve it." Dean replied, pausing his cleaning and looking into Cas' eyes for a moment. Cas simply nodded and whispered "Thank you Dean." Before letting Dean continue.

Carefully Dean all the blood and filth off of Cas's face before washing each of his hands over the bowl and beginning to treat the wounds on Cas's face. Castiel had watched Dean's face the entire time he did this feeling that familiar warmth he associated with Dean grow inside his chest. Suddenly Cas couldn't take just sitting there anymore. He lifted his left hand out of his lap and cupped Dean's cheek with it. Dean froze but did not move to pull away. He looked steadily at Castiel, waiting. Cas sat there for a while stroking his smooth thumb over Dean's calloused cheekbone before finally opening his mouth to say softly "Dean, I need your help."

Dean swallowed and asked hoarsely "With what Cas?"

"I have this feeling inside me, I do not understand it. You are the only one who makes me feel this way and I do not know what it is. Please tell me what it is Dean." At the last sentence Cas cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Dean's heart was racing he couldn't look away from those intense, confused blue eyes. "Tell me what it feels like Cas, and I'l see what I can do."

"It feels like every time I see you contented warmth seeps through my chest, when I talk to you or you say my name I get a fluttering in my stomach. Every time I touch you I feel electricity shooting through my body. When I see you fight I want to pin you to something and kiss you for the rest of eternity. And when I don't know where you are worry eats me up inside." A blush was starting to form across Castiels face. For a moment they just sat there, staring into each other's eyes, before Dean's face split into a wide grin. "Cas, that's what love feels like." He said simply.

Castiel considered this for a moment before smiling too and saying "Then I guess, Dean Winchester, that I love you."

Dean's smile, if possible, grew wider at that "I Love you too, Castiel." He murmured, before closing the distance between them and gently pressing their lips together. Cas' lips were warm and soft on Deans. Dean relished in the feel of them, his left hand snaking up into Cas' dark hair, his right slipping around his slender waist. Castiel slid the hand on Dean's face around to his neck and the other fisted into the fabric of Dean's shirt. Dean slipped his tongue out and gently traced Castiel's bottom lip, asking for entrance. Cas' lips parted and Dean's tongue dipped inside and began to explore. He licked along Castiel's teeth enticing a moan from the Angel. The sound rushed straight to Dean's cock, he continued to explore Cas' mouth, wanting more of those delicious sounds. Cas could taste Dean on his tongue as it explored his mouth. He tasted like pies, a hint of alcohol, and something that could only be described as Dean. He loved it. Moans tore their way up his throat and he could feel his pants getting tighter. Eventually Dean pulled back gasping for air. They sat there panting, lips red and swollen from kissing, with their foreheads touching. "I love you Cas." Dean breathed.

"I love you too Dean." Castiel replied.

Suddenly Dean's phone rang, making them both jump.

Dean glanced over at it then back at Cas. "I should go." Cas said.

"No it's okay." Dean reassured him, "I can call them back later."

"It's not that. I must re-join the battle."

"Oh…okay." Dean said, reluctantly sitting back away from Cas, hands dropping to his lap "Just…ah…Just come back okay?" Dean looked at him concern in his eyes.

Castiel stood "Of course I will Dean." He walked away from the bed and turned to face Dean, preparing to leave when Dean called out, "Wait!" he surged forward, grabbed the front of the trench coat, that had suddenly appeared on the Angel, and pulled him up for a final kiss. This kiss was searing, full of lust and love. Dean pulled Cas' bottom lip between his teeth, bit and sucked it gently before releasing it with a soft pop. Cas had grabbed the front of Dean's shirt in return and they now just stood there clinging onto each other and staring into each other's eyes. Finally Dean ran his fingers through Cas's soft hair once more, before releasing him, murmuring into his ear "You better come back, I'm not finished with you yet Castiel." And stepping back from him. Cas swallowed hard, gave himself a little shake before disappearing in a flutter of wings.

Smiling to himself Dean walked back across the motel room grabbed a beer and threw himself down onto his bed.


End file.
